Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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