Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize