Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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