But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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