I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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