Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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