I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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