I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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