I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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