i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Small penises have feelings too.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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