This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i think we sleep fucked last night...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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