why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
