i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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