I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
