i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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