I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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