You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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