my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
