the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
