were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
