I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
