We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
