Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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