I just threw up on my dentist
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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