So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
