How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
