Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
