I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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