If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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