Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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