It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
