ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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