I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
