i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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