I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I didn't notice because vodka
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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