dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
