it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
only you would photoshop your dick
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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