every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
