I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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