Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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