We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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