These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
