A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i've created a new STD.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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