if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
