she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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