We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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