mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
