Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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