she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pants are for mortals
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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