are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
do herpes really smell.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
