I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
