You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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