Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
