I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
