we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
