Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
