you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
