I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
