Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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