Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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