I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
