I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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