Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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