I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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