bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
