and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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