I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
