I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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