like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
