drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
